niracler

The Shawshank Redemption tells far more than just a prison story; replacing high walls with work is also remarkably fitting.

About Life Records#

As I write this article, I have been working for a week straight. The first two weekly journals were written in a chronological format, which felt inappropriate, so I switched back to a topic-based narrative. This week, I had four days off and worked for three days.

The four days off were basically a cycle of "reading comics (morning) -> Baldur's Gate (afternoon) -> watching movies (evening)," with the only regret being that I didn't finish Tears of the Kingdom. Documenting the scenic spots in Tears of the Kingdom and completing the remaining two temples was part of my original plan for the National Day holiday. I should say that I spent the time I would have used for Tears of the Kingdom playing Baldur's Gate instead, not because I found playing Tears of the Kingdom tiring, but because reading comics requires even less mental effort.

On the last day of the holiday, I had a meal with a high school classmate. This was my first offline meeting with a high school classmate since graduating from university. In the past few years of work, I started off on a bad note while job hunting, which led to a prolonged low mental state. I lacked the energy to maintain various relationships from university and high school, resulting in me not reaching out to classmates after graduation. I even became too lazy to send New Year greetings during the Spring Festival in recent years. Most of my time outside of work has been spent at home. This time, it was my classmate who reached out to me; during our conversation, he mentioned that he had bought a car and was working in the same city as me. He is much more stable than someone like me, whose financial management skills are in the negative.

Since I took a day off in advance, I also started work a day early, so I began working last Friday. (During the holiday, I really didn't realize that I would face 9 consecutive workdays after the break🤣)

Baldur's Gate 3 - Pre-Entry Experience#

This time I played with Barry. The game duration is about 20 hours, and I estimate that I haven't even completed 10% of the game, so it's more of an introductory experience. I'm sorry that I haven't reached the time to play this game in my plans, but I should probably play it again next time I roll for Baldur's Gate 3. If you want to play, the save file is with you. The next time we play together might be a long time from now, but I will remember the scattered plot points from those four days.

Although it's supposed to be a beginner's experience, it shouldn't be a problem. However, DND has a long history that I haven't fully understood. So many times, I need to play for half a day and then spend the other half catching up on my knowledge of the game's worldview, which, of course, has led to me being spoiled to some extent. But the biggest feature of this game is that veterans and newcomers can be on different power levels after one chapter.

This is my first experience with this alternative turn-based game. I once again feel that turn-based games are my destined genre. Of course, this might just be a self-comfort for someone who is bad at action games. After all, turn-based games usually don't require much thinking; simple brute force searching is often enough. In contrast, action games require players to hone their skills and reactions.

However, one challenging aspect of this game is that forming a party is difficult; even coordinating two people is already quite challenging, let alone three. The ideal situation for this game is to have a very patient veteran guiding a few newcomers. Of course, if that veteran lacks patience, it can easily lead to frustration.

Balancing the roles within the team is very important. For the first two days, we had a party of two mages and one cleric, and we often hit walls during battles. I have lost count of how many times I made Barry reload the game; on average, I suspect we reloaded at least once every hour.

Irrevocable choices are still quite difficult. I accidentally missed a lot of plot points. Additionally, to save a somewhat attractive female character from an evil force, I had to replay one battle four or five times. Moreover, some characters are destined to die regardless of whether I answer their questions correctly. For example, after I killed that girl's two brothers, I genuinely felt guilty for a while. So, during my first playthrough...

(I only have this immature screenshot; Yingxin is truly the character I find most visually appealing at this stage)

The Shawshank Redemption - The Hole in the Cell#

Finally, during this holiday, I watched The Shawshank Redemption with my parents. It's hard to believe this movie was made before I was born; the quality and clarity of films back then were already so high, truly world-class. (Definitely not complaining about the 360p of Maid Café 😄)

Andy's "Unquenchable Hope" in the Film Left a Deep Impression on Me#

Whether it was spending 19 years digging a hole in his cell or sending letters every week to request a library, you could call him stubborn, but it was this spirit that ultimately led him to freedom. Even though he was physically imprisoned, the human spirit cannot be confined. Andy always seemed so out of place among the other inmates, who had gradually become "unable to live without prison" over the years, as described in the film, having been institutionalized. The name Andy also reminds me of the Andy (undead) in my recent work Undead and Unlucky; is being undead also a manifestation of the spirit of not giving up? (Sorry for the tangent)

In Reality, More People Are Institutionalized#

In real life, although most people are not in prison, many are gradually being institutionalized in their daily work. They fear unfamiliar environments and things outside their job responsibilities, reluctant to do repetitive work while also fearing that stepping outside of work will leave them with nothing. To me, the process of institutionalization is essentially a gradual journey towards becoming an NPC, abandoning thought and becoming indistinguishable from death. "Some people are alive, but they are dead"—isn't this the scene?

For example, many friends or elders around me feel constrained by their backgrounds and education. In middle age, they often use "not having attended university, so I can't compete with university graduates" as an excuse to reject modern tools like smartphones and Alipay. Often, they themselves are the biggest shackles. "He is already a PhD; how can I compete?" But life is far longer than 30 years; why should we be defined by our 20-something selves? I absolutely do not want to define myself by my past experiences, which I now see as foolish, when I am old. However, it may also be because I am still young and cannot truly understand the experiences of their age.

I Always Thought My Job Was Like a Cell That Imprisons Me#

For the past two years, I have been struggling with work hours, especially the endless 996 work schedule that began after starting my own business. I often have meetings on weekends that start at ten at night and go until the next day, or I might finally get a Sunday off, but still have to gather colleagues for team-building activities, which often turn into work mobilization meetings. With colleagues who are "fully dedicated to work" as examples, I am expected to "always" think about work-related matters 24/7. Watching a movie on the weekend feels like a crime because you might recall it during work hours, affecting your productivity. You can't even share your viewing experience with colleagues, as it's seen as a deviant behavior; the ideal work attitude should be "discussing work matters during personal time" and "learning work-related things during personal time," "even if it's 2 AM and there's an online bug, you should wake your colleague next door to fix it," as if selling your intellectual rights to work. A couple of weeks ago, I read 2557 Days with Hengshui High School on Dushu, which also mentioned that reading extracurricular books is a big taboo, "because you will remember and reflect on them. The scariest part is that you will keep thinking about them, making it impossible to fully devote yourself to studying," so the best management method is to prevent you from having personal time. These things have repeatedly left me physically and mentally exhausted.

This week, although I published [[My Thoughts on the 996 Work System]], it was just to fill space. Even now, I still think this way. I have always wanted to discuss this topic with others, but it's difficult to talk about it with colleagues or even friends. Colleagues are concerned about work relationships, while friends often find it hard to empathize. I have been pondering this issue, which has caused me great distress, as if I am no longer myself if I don't think about it. There was a metaphor that said, "A player who doesn't want to play well and doesn't strive to play well is not a good player." But a game lasts for a few hours, not years.

This week, I also saw an HN article discussing the feasibility of a four-day workweek, which made me both amused and exasperated 😂. Indeed, when you say that 32 hours can complete the work of a normal 40-hour week, the boss can only say, "Your work content is not saturated enough; we need to give you more work." So my current situation has turned into dragging out work as much as possible, slacking off whenever I can, to the point where I sometimes use work hours to write articles.

Compared to the High Walls of Reality, What Truly Imprisons Me Are the Walls of Thought#

The nature of work requires me to be fully engaged. Since I started working at this company, I instinctively struggled to adapt to the uncertainty of work hours, feeling that my available time had drastically decreased. It felt like I had fallen into an abyss, surrounded by darkness, and I suddenly didn't know where my life was headed. However, I later realized that my discomfort was not only due to the uncertainty of work hours but also because the nature of my work had changed. My work transitioned from simply following orders to solve problems to now requiring a more proactive approach to correctly solve problems. In simple terms, my work has become more difficult and tiring, and it is highly innovative, leading to feelings of confusion and absurdity. So should I immerse myself in simpler, more predictable work? No, I once tried working in a factory on an assembly line during summer break and deeply understood how boring assembly line work is because it is predictable and lacks surprises.

The nature and environment of my work are far better than Andy's Shawshank prison. I have the freedom to explore, and my boss actually provides that. Unlike the high walls of Shawshank prison and assembly line work, my current job is filled with uncertainty and surprises, making it a creative endeavor. This is the kind of work format I have always dreamed of. On one hand, I don't want to do repetitive, tedious work, while on the other hand, I am pursuing stable work hours and predictable content. This is a very contradictory mindset; non-repetitive, non-tedious creative work is bound to be challenging, requiring full engagement and drawing on all your knowledge, demanding constant thought and reflection.

If we allow ourselves to be free, we may become even more unbearable. Humans are inherently lazy; without external management, we cannot achieve self-discipline. For example, during this National Day holiday, I had more time, but I ended up doing less of what I planned, even neglecting to write my weekly journal. Therefore, internal regulation within the company may be more effective than self-regulation. In fact, my boss also considers that allowing us more rest time is futile; we will likely just waste that time. His point is that instead of giving us more free time to waste, it is better to assign us some growth-oriented work, allowing us to grow while working.

I found what I believe to be the answer to this issue in Liang Qichao's "Dedication and Joy in Work." (Below is the content I quoted)

"Every profession is interesting as long as you are willing to continue doing it; interest will naturally arise." Why? First, because every profession has many layers and twists; if you immerse yourself in it, observing its changes and progress is the most intimate and enjoyable. Second, because every achievement in a profession requires effort; step by step, the joy increases through hard work. Third, the nature of the profession often requires comparison with peers, like a competition, gaining pleasure from winning. Fourth, focusing on a profession eliminates many distractions and idle thoughts, saving you from endless boredom. --- Liang Qichao Dedication and Joy in Work

Constant internal conflict does not solve my problems; the best way to combat anxiety is to take action. Therefore, the key here is that I need to adjust my problem-solving mindset—not just to solve problems but to think more about the underlying issues and address them at their root. One of my colleagues, who is a mentor to me, tends to focus on getting things done rather than getting caught up in meaningless worries like I do. He is not only the most successful employee in our company but also has his own project that has garnered nearly a thousand stars and gained some fame. At least he does not choose to escape, while I have been continuously choosing to evade. I should accept the uncertainty in my work; this does not mean that such uncertainty is reasonable. I need to use my wisdom and initiative to turn this uncertainty into certainty.

My thoughts may be immature, and I can't even say they are self-consistent. However, discomfort in the mind is also discomfort in physiology, and it needs to be addressed. So I have to give myself an answer that is somewhat acceptable. Otherwise, I won't be able to sleep at night. I just feel that I must think this issue through clearly, at least to give myself a passing answer. Never give up hope; even in the extreme environment of Shawshank prison, Andy still dug his own hole and regained his freedom. Where is the hole I am digging? For me, I think starting to write articles is the hole I am digging in my life, just like the senior in The Fool Who Sleeps.

Works#

There are many anime that have just released an episode, and I directly finished reading the manga, and I feel I won't continue watching the anime.

Articles#

• 【Idiot】What is Concrete Love, and What is Abstract? - After watching it, I realized my previous understanding was flawed; for example, I liked the character Gojo Satoru, but recently his image has collapsed, yet I still like him. So my later liking has become a bit abstract? Liking a fictional character is, in fact, concrete.
• Pkgx – “Run anything” from the creator of brew - I knew that whenever someone talks about package managers on HN, the conversation inevitably drifts towards Nix. The previous article on asdf was similar. But this kind of discussion is like "Why doesn't everyone use vim? It's so powerful." The usability of software is also a crucial metric; while it may not perfectly solve problems, it can easily fit 99% of scenarios.
• The Overlooked Scientific History Mystery in the Movie Oppenheimer - Organizing key historical nodes can help you better watch the movie. It also analyzes Heisenberg's historical mystery with a strong scientific spirit.
• Hatred of Understanding and Becoming (Dushu 2304) Book Review - A reflection on 2557 Days with Hengshui High School, which mentions the concept of institutionalization in The Shawshank Redemption.
• How a four-day workweek works, from the companies pulling it off - Foreigners are actually discussing the feasibility of a four-day workweek...

Postscript#

I accidentally wrote too much; every time I write such a lengthy article, I can clearly feel my inability to handle it. If I were to ponder over every sentence, I feel it would take a long time and lead to writer's block. However, I intended for the weekly journal to be a bit more relaxed; I didn't want to write it so exhaustively, perhaps I just wanted to finish it in one go without revising. I also noticed that I have many verbal tics in my writing, and I feel I need to change that. For example, "actually," "discover," and "feel" are manifestations of my lack of culture, vocabulary, and word count.

If you want to get my latest updates or want to find me, feel free to follow my personal channel: https://t.me/niracler_channel, although most of the time it's just a lot of meaningless chatter. Or just my own psychological activities that only I understand.